all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
