peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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