i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
