You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She needs sedatives and a leash
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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