If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
