Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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