doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have so many feelings about this burrito
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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