My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
