I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize