Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
