addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
