there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
