I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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