I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize