I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
