So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize