I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
