I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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