Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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