There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
