Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
