okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize