I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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