Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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