When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
