where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
