He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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