Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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