Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
