Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
