What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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