you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
BRING THE BAGELS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
