break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
