I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
