I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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