did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He shit in the fireplace
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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