New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
