I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
