hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
