I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
