FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize