Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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