I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
