Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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