I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
