a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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