Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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