Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
