we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
