dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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