She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
