He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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