I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize