I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
