I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
