i may or may not be watching the land before time
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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