i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
