Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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