If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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