Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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