singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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