I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
