So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize