Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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