I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
