lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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