i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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