girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
