Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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