Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
