Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
