make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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