she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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