Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
