I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had to cum in my sink.
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