Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
