I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
