Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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