why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
