I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
