So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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