this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
