i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
