I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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