Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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