I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
