Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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