If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
