What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
