I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
